Friction, Concerns and Fast Food

Last morning, I had the most horrible accident I’ve had in my life. Well, man-powered one that didn’t involve any sharp object. I was a little bit too excited and the asphalt was a little bit too wet, and my bike’s tires lost friction when I made a curve too acute at the bottom of the mountain Karl-Egermann-Haus lies on. It fell to the left, making my left ankle and thigh skid on the ground, and when I was ejected from the bike and the floor, I was thrown off and rolled about three or four times, bouncing between each turns (which would require a hefty bit of force considering my size…) The fall was broken by my face slamming onto the pavement, sending my glasses flying 10 meters away. As a result, I got bruises and swellings all over my body, and I think my left ankle might be sprained a bit. However, miraculously, the only thing that broke was my jeans.

After lunch, I got to think about what I was thinking to get myself into something like that. What was I thinking just before the tires skidded? I think I was thinking about what my lunch today will be, but I can’t be sure… However, I remember with perfect clarity what I was thinking since I realized I was losing control. First thing was to protect my head. The second was whether or not I will ram into a solid object. Third was if I could take the pain or not. When I was grinding my entire body on the asphalt, I chose to close my eyes, as an extension of the first concern, but forced me to leave the second concern to my luck. The third, however, still bugs me.

When my eyes closed and I hit the ground the first time, I was scared that I might break something. I live alone now, and there are nobody that would help me around here. The second time, I figured that as long as my body and my head is safe, I should protect my left knee, which suffered from a horrible accident of similar nature last week. The third time… The third time, I was enjoying how I will be able to shrug off the pain I was feeling. The aftermath would be a bitch, but I will force myself to ignore them, and I will succeed. Each time my muscles cry, the shards of optimism I have in my mind will tell me never to mind them, that they will be fine in two or three days. But I wonder, why that? Shouldn’t I have been worried about possible damage to the bike? Or what will happen when I finally reach the bump at the side of the street?

I’ll never know if I really am Nietzschean about life or not.

Lactic Acid, Alchemy and Ungodliness

Karl-Egermann-Haus, my dormitory building, is located on a side of a small moutain. To get to the building, there is an approximately two hundred meters long uphill, which starts quite shallow at beginning and gets steeper and steeper. Also, I ride bicycle to get around Marburg usually, and I always try to climb up the hill when I get back home. More often than not, I get off the bike midway and walk up the rest.

Coldness claws at my throat and acid burns my muscles. And somehow, I feel a sense of disappointment. Not because I was able to climb it all the way without a break, but because, back in Seoul, I used to be able to climb such hills easily. (Living in a flatland for 4 and a half years effectively atrophied my legs to nil.)  Why am I feeling pain already? Have I grown this weak?

“Pain is weakness leaving your body.” It’s a quote from U.S. Army poster, and for some reason it lodged itself deep into my mind. Because it is quite true, in many senses. After an extensive output, your muscles begin to produce lactic acid which burns the tissues, sending painful signals to alert your that they are beginning to hit a limit. But you keep going on, and soon enough pains numb down. Later, your muscles have become used to this higher output and they hold off lactic acid for longer… Similar with agonies. Only when you are given impetus to change, which is pain, your soul will remain in weakness. Without this pain, you will never realize.

I believe that this pain comes from ungodliness. In my own world, I believe that all things uniformly strive toward godliness. It is the only way all could possibly be explained. Ultimately pure and complex. Evolution toward zero hour. Pain only exists to prove this. Why would we have developed the sense of pain, if its only function were robbing happiness? I think that pain exists as a seed of happiness. Constantly, you strive to be rid of pain, chasing happiness. You redouble your efforts and you arm yourself with greatness. But pain is still there, and it serves as an impetus for you to achieve happiness. It will never end. When you are happy, you will soon find yourself in pain. But one thing that will come out of this process is that you will be closer to godliness.

Some of you reading this might know about me ranting about manliness and its impossible standards often, and how I use God as a reasoning. Well, to tell you the truth, it’s a recursive in-joke. They say that God is a he, and it is godliness which I see as the purpose of all things, therefore manliness is what all should aspire to be… is pretty much it. I just didn’t want to explain all this each time I wanted to sound ridiculous.

Oh, well.

Moths, Forest Fire, and What I Tasted of Desire

Around November, in Marburg, there are many, many moths. The night falls quick and the rain never ceases, so it is natural for them to be flurishing here. At first, it was a little bit unpleasant, but as I grew used to seeing so many of them, they actually felt like a perfect decoration for a such subtle and unlively city. Every once in a while, I find myself looking at hundreds of these insects sitting on a concrete wall, trying to guess what they are waiting for.

And last night, as I was eating my late night dinner, a thought crossed me as I was looking at many moths on the window. The air was getting colder and colder, and one day, if they just sit there and do nothing, they’ll eventually freeze to death. Why are they just sitting there motionlessly? Why aren’t they making any mating calls, flying around to find food, creeping into houses and throwing themselves to fire? What are they waiting for?

I really haven’t learned anything significant, but I feel that despair is built-in defence system of humanity, not life. Because you feel despair, you try to overcome it. When you try to overcome it, you won’t be waiting until there is nothing to wait for. To stop waiting for until there is nothing to wait for, you must burn like a forest fire.

I feel drunk.

Mousou Gakuen ino-koi Gumi (Daydream Academy Class ino-koi)

Full charge ahead, get him like an angry boar!

Andante

And then a charge was fired toward the central nervous system. Upon reception, her glass heart began to function at its maximum output. Clear liquid Essence raged through the veins of Black Jade, setting many gears and cogs into motion. Ignited with the faultless essence of the Machine God, sensory system of Lucidly Echoing Ambience shifted to receive information from multiplanar, seeing through sound and feeling through sight. As the central Starmetal processor opted to compute ephemeral information, Echo began to recognize the shape of the malignant and fractured machine spirit. Upon this moment, fueled with Essence, many weapons installed on her person moved into motion in perfect harmony. The Soulgem unit tapped into its connection with Autochthon, modifying her martial shortcomings with the downloaded infinite intelligence of him, and Moonsilver and Jade components that consisted of her delicate muscles transformed themselves to a shape that will give her temporary burst of strength sacrificing the sculpted aesthetics of her body. Then she lightly tossed herself at the spirit. Starmetal tendrils pulsing with Essence accessed the Perfected Lotus Matrix installed on her brain, accessing the kata of conclusion. Before the target could recognize Echo’s sudden appearance, a blade of electric Essence plunged itself into its ectoplasm, dancing furiously in its body in accordance of the philosophy of Violet Bier of Conclusion. As the blade delicately departed the spirit’s body, an executive order was fired into its system, telling it to cease its function and rejoin the reservoir of Autochthon. And so it did.

Exalted promotes its players to be descriptive when they can, which is why I really like Exalted. Not only is the game already brimming with great imageries and visions, the sessions tend to be quite creative and intense…

Oh, bleh, I really miss playing Exalted, somehow. Lucidly Echoing Ambience is easily the best character I have never played…